37 days later

I am about a month into my writing journey. I have always wanted to be a writer, since that poem I wrote in first grade. But I really got serious after Comicpalooza.
I went to Houston Comicpalooza and met my mentor (although she may not know it yet) Pamela Fagan Hutchins*** more on this later. I went to a panel with her and another author about Revising and Editing. It changed my view of writing. I had been approaching it all wrong!
(Did I mention I am  doing a free flowing writing thing for this?)
I am a pantser at heart, but discovered the need for a basic outline. I also learned that I need to get all the book out of me and then go back and reshape the block of clay into something palatable and readable by another human being. The 2 hour panel I attended with my writing buddy (shout out to Kelly Colby who told me about the writing aspect of Comicpalooza beyond the geek stuff that had pulled me in) showed me that I was approaching writing in an unattainable way. I thought I had to write the perfect book from word one. That I might need some editing for grammar and punctuation, but that I would unload a perfect book from the first word I wrote to the last. Boy was I delusional. I used to love to write papers (weird, I know). Starting in 4th grade I would write reports for fun. I still remember the masterpiece of reporting I wrote on the Sequoia. It was great. OK, so in my mind it was great. It was probably acceptable. I went through middle school, high school, and (ahem..sheepish look) 2-3 years of college (uncompleted) with papers written and turned in within 2 hours of the deadline. These got decent grades. But I was disillusioned that I could write. And I developed the terrible habit of thinking I could write something and not need it to be beaten into a better piece of writing. I could get my point across in a exposition paper or a deep look into the meaning of Frankenstein. However I was just positing facts and backing them up or re-analyzing the metaphor of industrialization of society in Frankenstein. Original thought was buried under facts and other minutiae. I would write and re-write the first paragraph and get disgusted as the "muse" would leave when the grammar and editing me would come around the work. I have started and dropped at least 5 books in the past 15 years. I went back to one of those ideas days after meeting Pamela Fagan Hutchins. Now I am now 37 days later and feeling more inspired than ever.
So now for me confession about Pamela Fagan Hutchins. The last 37 days I have completely read her blog. I have read three of her books and look forward to reading more. Reading her blog has inspired me that writing is a vocation. It is something you are called to, and it can be difficult. There will be things that happen that distract, deter, and dismay you. However there is a light at the end of the tunnel...a completed book. And that book will be like your own child. A child is carried for nine months and then you labor to bring that child forth. Then raising a child is pure discovery and learning... just like a book. I haven't finished a book, but Pamela has shown me through her words. When you are about to have a child you thirst for knowledge from other women. What to expect? What to plan for? Pamela has (without her knowledge) been a midwife or doula to the fledgling writer in me. I have just found out I am expecting, but now a book instead of a child. It may be longer or shorter than the 9 months of my actual 2 children. I feel that labor will be akin to the process of editing and copyediting and critiquing. Painful, but after the fact, forgotten in the joy of the new bundle of joy.